i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
