Me. At least after what I've been through.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize