Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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