im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
