I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
