Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
