Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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