high people should be assigned attendants
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize