Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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