Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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