my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
