You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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