i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
