We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
