I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
