How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
