Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
