i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
