so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
