Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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