This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize