If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
