I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
