At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
