I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
