I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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