I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
