Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
