Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drake has all the answers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
