Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
