I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
