Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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