How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
