Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
