You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
