I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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