I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
