It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
