At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
