3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize