It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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