She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
