Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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