It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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