You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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