you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
