I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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