Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
