I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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