Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize