Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
