I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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