so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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