My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize