I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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