She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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