yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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