Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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