what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
