I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
