What a fucking waste of an outfit
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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