how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's great music for shaving your balls
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
