well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
