you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
