oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
