Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize