Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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