i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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