Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
