You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
