There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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