Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
