If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
