SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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