I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
