the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
