The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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