Who wears a wallet chain?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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