Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize