Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then my night got REAL pukey
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
