The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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