it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
