Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
do herpes really smell.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
