he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize