any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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