Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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