I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
