just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
