Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
