What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we're so committed to being not committed
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