I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
