My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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