I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize