filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
