I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
